great saddness

Today I was at work (SF General) and my favorite old guy came in, DOA. I busted up in tears. I had to leave the room. I have no idea why it bothered me so much. I saw him every week for dialysis and still… for some reason seeing the old guy on the table was a shock to me. almost didn’t want to do the autopsy on him.

I left work and went for a walk. I have a few hours before I pick up Ricky from his preschool/daycare. I wound up on the Golden Gate Bridge. (all right, it was a long walk.) I sat at the center on it for quite some time and just stared at the city. it was one of those days where the sun was peaking trhough and the fog had been disappating quickly.

this is where I go to think at times like these. it amazes me how much joy and pain there is in the world at the same time. they live side by side, caressing each other like a lover. it seems to me that some times in my life, pain out weighs the joy but then something incredible will happen to chase that thought from my mind.

amazing what a view from a bridge can teach you.

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