The Golden Gate Mom’s Group

I know that there are many people out there that have issues with mother’s groups. about a month ago, I realized that Rick spends almost all his time either with me or at day care. at the day care there is one other little boy who speaks only russian. I decided that I needed to do something to take matters into my own hands.

I joined the Golden Gate Mother’s Group.

At first I kind of felt like I was joining a sorority. I paid my yearly dues, I go to events, I even (THANK GOD!) met some really cool and nice moms. Furthermore, Rick now is in playgroups and socializing. This is wonderful. and I am excited.

today, however, was a reality check for me of sorts. I am not going to lie: I barely break even every month. SF is an expensive place to live, there is not a single doubt in my mond about that. I also have always known that ditching Rick’s father was the best thing I could do in my life. even my old friends from back east remark how happy I sound and how much better I look. this is healthy after being with Rick’s father for 10 long years.

however, reality can suck at times. espcially when you are balancing your check book and it hits you when you aren’t expecting it, like a cold wind blowing up the avenues on a clear day or a down right sucker punch to the gut. The cold hard truth is simply this: Rick has outgrown his clothes. he is a right old big boy for 19 months. and, unfortunatly, I have no money to buy him new ones. I make sure that the rent is paid on time, the bills are paid most of the time on time, there is food in the house, rick has pull ups and diaper ointment… he has everything he needs. who cares if I have holes in my clothes that I stich up by myself? that I shop at the good will for almost everything we need? the truth is, I don’t care about any of that. All I know is Rick is taken care of. that’s all that matters.

but when it’s 57 degrees outside and you can’t get your son a sweater or jacket to wear? that is when it kills you.

I am a VERY proud person. this is probably why I work well with the dead. I can’t ask my mother for help, or anyone in my family… they have helped too much as it is. I cna’t ask my friends, they have also helped too much. my co-workers help when they can but even that I am uncomfortable with. I have been on my own, defending myself for so long, I have forgotten the kindness of stranger. in fact, I kind of began to lose faith in humanity.

tonight, I swallowed my pride and humbly posted on the GGMG website/group listing a request for any clothes that people might be willing to part with for cheap or for free.

the response was overwhellming. I am utterly humbled and thankful to “know” such a beautiful group of women who are so eager and willing to help me out. words will never express my deepest gratitude to these complete strangers who have opened up to help Rick and I.

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From the deepest place imaginable, I am truely thankful to you all.

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