Face Down

Have you ever had one of those moments… one of those horrible moments where you realize that it was possible that someone was calling out to you and you just didn’t see the signs? That’s what happened to me today.

I was driving to work and listening to Live 105’s morning show. In between the banter back and forth of the DJ’s, they decided to play a song. The song was called “Face Down” and it was by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I smiled to myself and thought about X.

Before I went to work with the dead last autumn, I was a volunteer for Big Sisters. And my little sister was a wonderful a beautiful young lady named X. X was in foster care with Y and Z, her biological sisters. They were all in the same house, which in foster care is AMAZING and WONDERFUL. I really enjoyed watching her mature through junior high. She was so bright and beautiful. All the boys had crushes on her but she had a boyfriend named M.

M and X were going steady, what ever that means by today’s 8th grade standards. Last Halloween we were at a carnival and she turned to me and asked me if I had heard “Face Down”. I told her that I hadn’t even heard of the band. She suggested I download it and listen to it because “I might like it.”

I will admit I went home and I downloaded it. I listened to it. It was your typical alternative song. Lame beat, no real interesting melody. I didn’t bother to listen to the lyrics. I wish I had paid more attention to the lyrics. This morning, I finally actually LISTENED to the lyrics.

“Cover up with make up in the mirror
tell yourself it’s never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you…”

“…Face down in the dirt she says this doesn’t hurt she says, I’ve finally had enough…”

I nearly drove off of Market Street. I had to stop and breathe. Was I missing the real reason why she wanted me to listen to the song? The statistics alone in the country are scary: According to the Bureau of Special Justice, about one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship. Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.

I sat on Market and tried to catch my breath. Did I miss something?

X has aged out of the program and I don’t have her contact information as her siblings and herself were all adopted by their foster family. They have since left the state. But still, when a really young girl came into the morgue today, I just couldn’t work.

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One Response to “Face Down”

  1. mom2amara Says:

    Unfortunately in life, there will be times when we should have caught something but we didn’t…and sometimes it’s too late. You don’t know if X was really calling out to you or if she just liked the song. But you have to know that you did a wonderful thing by being her Big Sis. You did more to help X than most people would even consider.

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