What NOT to do when trying to inflitrate a playgroup

I really wanted Ricky to join a play group. I think that he spends way too much time with his mommy and not enough time with other children. after all, it’s just me and him most of the time.

I found a nice little church and it’s a lovely little place in Cow’s Hollow. I decide to go to it today.

First thing is first… I must remind myself that people are human and this is a play group. Rick and I arrive late. ten minutes late to be exact. I walk in, ready to play, dressed in jeans, a wife beater and my sloppy/curly hair up in a ponytail. I am wearing flip flops and my toes have chipped nail polish. my nails are chewed to the nubs and there is a bit of baby food on my shirt. I look like, dare I say it, a mom who is ready to play.

I walk in and immediatly I am called to the side from a lady sitting behind a table: “is this your first time here?”


“Well, that will be ten dollars please. if you plan to come back we have a bulk discount….” she drones on but I have spaced her out. who charges for a play group? I mean seriously?

I pay the ten dollars, put Ricky on my hip and walk into the other room where the babies and the moms are. Instantly I feel like I have made a massive mistake. these moms are PERFECT.

Perhaps it’s because I feel like I am by far the youngest. I mean, I know these women are about the same age as me but the truth is, I don’t look my age. I never have. in fact, getting carded at a bar the other day was by far the highlight of my 30s. having the girl at trader joe’s say to me, “shit I hope I look as good as you when I am your age” made my decade!!

Instantly, from the moment I walked in, I could feel the “stare down” of the other moms. It’s high school all over again, where I am a little quarky and just don’t quite fit in. and this, of course, extends to my child. after all, if I am a freak, then so must be my off spring.

Ricky, who usually is so friendly, was freaked out by all the perfect children in theitr Ethan Allen baby gettups. Ricky is in his walmart play clothes. these are clothes that are ready for fun and messes and all the good stuff that comes with PLAYING. but these children look like they are about to become an advertisment. there is no room for stains on their perfect clothes. there is no room for having fun.

the moms were the same… they held their perfect children in their laps, with their designer outfits and perfectly coifed hair-dos. they spoke about how hard it is with their nannies and their kosher organic meals. how difficult it is with their husbands working long hours. how ther can’t decide if the familiy should go to Paris for the summer or to Rome.

needless to say, I didn’t fit in. the snide looks from the other moms, the frosty welcome, the way they looked down on my son because he didn’t have the latest “designer outfit” on. That he had mussy black hair, so neatly uncombed… that his mom looked like she was white trash hill billy…

needless to say, we won’t be returning to “the well”.


8 Responses to “What NOT to do when trying to inflitrate a playgroup”

  1. Farrell Says:

    Um, yeahh…If it makes you feel any better? I would definitely NOT fit in that play group either. Neither would most of the moms I know. Was this a celebrity play group, or they just thought they were??
    Don’t give up; try to find another!

  2. Miz BoheMia Says:

    Well, rest assured that I would SO be the other shunned mom with the crazy, shrieking and laughing and tumbling kids making the MOST noise everywhere we go! I got that at Temple Sherith Israel (I am not Jewish but I had heard wonderful things about that playgroup when my daughter was 9 months old). My daughter was loud and noisy and didn’t wanna do what the morons tried to make her do and when they tried to force her to be quiet so some old lady could sing for her we were outta there…

    Day One, on a side street of California opposite Laurel Village, tends to have good info on such stuff and they have a soft spot in my heart as they babied me through my nursing troubles way back when…

    And I used to take my daughter when teeny (and I mention my daughter because when my son was in playgroup age we were living our hellish Spanish experience) to the Moscone gym in the Marina… that was GREAT but it is under construction now though I highly recommend the park there as many moms take their kids there, are into talking to each other and it is not a nanny-ville place… though they are mostly yuppies and, well, I am more of a Haight/Castro-ish kinda chick and so…

    And as for the age… YEAH! Do you know how many people have shunned me for not looking like your stereotypical mom and for not looking old? Though it does depend what area of the city you frequent but if ever you wanna have a playdate…

    Ok… long enough comment and so off I go to collapse. Can you tell I just put the kids to bed? 😉

  3. Carrie Says:

    Ugh, I’m sorry that didn’t work out. Sounds like a bunch of people you wouldn’t want to hang with anyway! Check out the library story times in your area — usually, they have a regular kid’s story time that includes fun activities like puppets and storyboards for the kids. Plus, there is always a great variety of types of parents at ours, which I appreciate! Good luck!

  4. Average Jane Says:

    That’s too bad. I’m sure there are plenty of normal playgroups around, though.

  5. simplemuses » What NOT to do when trying to inflitrate a playgroup Says:

    […] more here […]

  6. NEW COMER Says:

    I understand how you might feel…..but just make sure that you weren’t projecting your feelings onto them. They might have been looking down on you, but maybe they weren’t. I realize that I might do this to myself sometimes…..And I have a friend who does this a lot….gets a chip on her shoulder because she feels like everyone else thinks they are better than her….and I don’t think it is always true.

  7. mom2amara Says:

    I told you we need to start a playgroup of our own!!

  8. fog city mommy Says:

    New Comer does have a point. I thought long and hard on that comment today. we all know that Sean has made me a completely paraniod and lacking any self esteem person… I think NC is right. I am going to give it anothershot!!

    and new comer! please come back any time!!!



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