Booty call

I have no self esteem. I really don’t.

Stan came over last night. I was… slightly… intoxicated is a good word. A bottle of wine while I attempted to clean my flat. did i want him over? I have no idea. I think that I am afraid of being alone. after drinking wine, showing photos for xmas, sitting on the couch… eventually it led to the inevitable booty call.

the thing is, I found that I was thinking about… Sean. The whole time. WHAT THE FUCK? it’s not like Sean ever made me cum either so why him??? auuuurrrgghhhhh. this morning, I missed church. this is a big deal for me because of my profession. it grounds me a little bit. I was in my robe and stan… was walking around naked. this is something I usually do. I don’t know. Its wierd. I am almost ready to go to match.com or something lame like that. Just don’t want to be alone I guess. huh. that’s the second time I said that.

Here is my thing: I love ricky. LOVE HIM. but sometimes I wonder if men are just put off that I have a young child. I am not looking for daddy for ricky. I am looking for someone for me. why is it so fucking hard?!?!?!

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5 Responses to “Booty call”

  1. trish Says:

    woman, listen to me, you will STOP THE PITY PARTY RIGHT NOW!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL (whether you realize it or not). please go to

    http://www.faithbase.com

    check it out, what’ll it hurt? c’mon, just try. it would certainly beat the hell out of “being alone” or being someone’s “booty call” that you have to fake the orgasm!! jeez louise!!

    i can’t wait to hear the outcome!! GOOD LUCK!!

  2. fog city mommy Says:

    I am catholic but not terribly so. but I did take your advice and, sigh, am trying eharmony. why do I feel like such a loser though?

  3. Michelle Says:

    FCM, I am a single mom in SF too! It’s hard here! I also have an Irish ex. Feel free to e-mail me, if you ever want to chat. I think we might have a lot in common.Good luck!

  4. trish Says:

    1. If you think that you are a loser, then other people will think the same thing (it will probably be written all over your face). You need to go at life with GUSTO!!
    2. How in the world can you think that you are a loser after what you have gone through to get where you are at today? You have a beautiful son. You have graduated college and have a job utilizing your schooling. You live in a city that you adore, independently, I might add.
    3. “Whether you think that you can or you can’t, you’re usually right.” ~ Henry Ford ~
    4. You are not a loser, you are a beautiful butterfly waiting to come out of your cocoon.
    5. If you don’t like the life you are living, don’t whine about it, DO SOMETHING!!! Whining only wastes time. The longer you hesitate to change your life, the longer it is going to take for you to become truly happy.

    I hope that some or all of this makes sense to you, and hope that I haven’t just thrown a whole bunch of cliches on deaf ears. I would like to think that i have brought you some inspiration. In April, someone “lit a fire under me” and now I’m trying to “pay it forward” so to speak.

    Good luck, and GOD BLESS
    Trish

  5. Farrell Says:

    I know how you feel. But certainly being with someone just because you don’t want to be alone–though I get it–is not the answer.

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