Archive for the ‘Paranoia’ Category

Secrets of Sunday (shhh!!! don’t tell!)

December 2, 2007


In which FCM is paranoid about FCB

November 15, 2007

Oh Ricky, what am I to do with you?

They say by the time a baby is 2 he/she should have a vocuabulary of 30 words or so. Ricky is not there. What can Ricky say?
popo (chinese for carry)
yiyi (Chinese for auntie)
coco (chinese for uncle)
jayjay (chinese for sister)

and “oh oh oh oh!!” like a monkey

I am so worried.

However, I do need to look at a few things here: Ricky is currently bilingual. I took chinese in college and barely remember a word of it. I sometimes wonder if his “babbling” is really sentances. His day, like many in the area, are run by chinese immigrents. he loves it there. he loves all the kids there. so I should stop worrying. but I can’t help but worry. I want ricky to succeed in life. when I was in elementry school I was told I had learning disorders which would hamper everything I do. I will admit to being unable to spell worth shit and having troubles expressing myself. however, I am a card carrying member of MENSA. so FUCK YOU ZAMERIA!!!

But I don’t want Ricky to have the same stigma that I did growing up. even my “friends” treated me like I was dumb. because I was in “learning skills”. I dont want to pressure ricky either. sigh. it’s a slippery slope.

Protected: a sad day in who-ville

November 11, 2007

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It’s the great earthquake Charlie Brown!

October 30, 2007

I love it’s the great pumpkin charlie brown. I tivo and watch it EVERY YEAR! I LOVE IT! i think it’s becuase some of the best memories I have with my dad is when he would bundle the kids up and we would sit downstairs in blankets watching it the night before Halloween. So of course I was UBER excited to have ricky, who is now “aware enough” to enjoy it, watch it with me. and it’s the 40th anniversery baby!!!

Ricky and I curl up on the couch, bundled, with Linus in the bedroom working (time zones and all). the show begins. we are totally into it when… the room starts shaking. LITERALLY.

Oh yes, Earthquake. 5.6 to be exact. 12 seconds or so. I get up with Ricky, run to the nearest doorframe. having been born and raised in SF and california, I am used to quakes. I know what to do, where to go and everything needed. However, I have never lived in a house that was built in the 1920s. This quake hit, and man did it HIT. I literally was able to see the ceiling rolling. standing in the doorframe something dawned on me, as the shaking slowed. there is no way that a house this old would have good doorframes to stand under. fuuuuuuck.

Linus, of couse, like a jackass, is running for the door screaming we need to get out. If I recall correctly, that is exactly what he did in 89 as well. the trembling stops and I am at the front door when psycho comes to his door.

“I’ll check the gas,” he says.

“do we need to leave?” I am still holding ricky on my hip.

“i’ll let you know.”

ricky and I settle down to continue to watch It’s the great pumpkin. at about 810, the news interrupts. sigh. in the end, with all the interruptions, we saw maybe about 15 minutes or so.

maybe next year.

Earthquakes are interesting but part of life here. just like on the east coast there are hurricanes and the midwest has their tornados… well, at least they have warnings.

under attack.

October 4, 2007

Today, after finishing up at ucsf having th egood old ears and eyes checked, which was not too bad by the way, I was walaking to the car when over head I hear a load roar. like very other idiot in the street I stopped and looked up to see a plane racing overhead towards the financial district at a very high speed.

My first thought? “oh god, we are under attack again. they are headed to the transamerica building!” people around me were looking up with concern. frantic murmering was running through the throngs of people who had raced out of their offices and lobbies to see what the noise was about. people were stopped in the streets and getting out of cars. I can only imagine waht 911 was like in NY.

The fast moving plane headed downtown. as quickly as it came, another plane was on it’s tail. this one was a fighter plane. and it looked familliar… in fact, they were flying in formation over the entire city. a few minutes later two more jets joined the other two fighters. all of a sudden I started laughing at my own paranoia:

it’s fleet week in SF

I hate SF

October 4, 2007

you heard me people, I hate SF. But, FCM, you have lived there your whole life! You said you would never leave! you always are raving about “your town”!

still, every once and awhile, I hate SF. Last night was my case in point. I went to do my laundry. now you need to realize, I live up 30 stairs. I have two doors to go through, one of which is very heavy. I have a two year old who squirms when carried but isn’t sure enough to walk down the stairs yet. and I usually have a black heafty bag of laundry each week.

going to the laundry mat, which is a block away I might add, is a feat. I have learned that the stroller that is in the hall is a great mode to transport the bag of laundry. I drag that stroller down the last 15 steps, through the heavy door, and then push the laundry like a baby. The detergent bottle stands on toop of the large bad and Ricky sits on my right hip. I must look quite the sight, espically since since I have pounds of quarters in my pockets as well.

Ok, laundry is drying and it was freakin’ 3 bucks for 90 minutes. it’s really not that bad really, but considering it’s 7 bucks to WASH, well, once a week laundry can be pricey. oh how I miss my own washer and dryer.

With Ricky asleep, I set up my “high tech” baby monitor, which consists of the phone next to ricky’s head and my cell on speaker and tucked in my cleavage, and ran a block away to the laundry mat to pick up my laundry. As I approached I noted that my laundry was still spinning in the dryer. odd. as I got even CLOSER I noticed my laundry was in the dryer next to the one I thought I had put it in. no big deal, I thought.

I get even closer and realize that my dryer was open. oh shit, somehomeless person came and stole my clothes a la Marla in Fight Club. I bolt in. no, it was worse.



Of course I have no quarters left so I had to take home a bag of wet clothes. of course, I could say that I blame myself as I wasn’t there watching the laundry. arugh.

Damn genetics…..

October 2, 2007

I have this horrible feeling, which my doctor confirmed, that I have not been spared the gentic mishaps of my siblings. On thursday I head down to the audiology center at UCSF to have my hearing checked. Please note: my family has SEVERAL cases of Usher’s Syndrome. I thought, perhaps, I had been lucky and missed the genetic “oppsy daisy” of the disorder. However, my sight is gettng weaker, causing for new glassess being needed every 6 months or so and to tell you the truth, I have noticed I am asking people to repeat themeslves a lot.

of course, I could just be paranoid, espcially since I am losing my job (oh yes, I will get to that later.) but it would be quite difficult to adjust to something this severe this “late in life”. wow, I can’t believe I said late in life about being in my mid-30s. but I digress.

In reality, I am not really sure how I would be able to handle Ricky. I want to be able to teach him to play baseball and soccer. I want to watch him grow. I want to always hear that giggle he does.

So here is my question for the world: is it better to be blind? or deaf?

Do you feel like you belong?

September 8, 2007

This morning Ricky and I went to the GGMG “new member” coffee. I went to the last one with Ricky and we had fun. it was nice to feel like I made sense to people because, let’s face it, NONE of my friends have kids or understand what I go through on a day to day basis as a single mom. actually, everyone at the coffee (the first one) all had better halves. oh well…

As I was saying before I started off on a tangent about single mommy-hood, I went to the coffee this morning. I walked in and was greeted by the organizers, who recognized me from the last one. One of them said, “oh! you’re back!” in a way that I took to be “why are you here again?”. If I am wrong, I apologize right now, truely and deeply.

I pondered this for a split second and said, “well, i got an invite online.” (perhaps I wasn’t invited?) and “I can’t turn down coffee, my drug of choice these days.” I have never liked coffee until AFTER ricky was born.

anyway, I sat on the sidelines with the hyper ricky who has offically hit his terrible twos (damn it!!!!!!), feeling like an outsider. it really was horrible! I love my mom’s group. I love them. they have been so good to me and I hope to soon be in the postion that I can be good to other people in my situation. so why did I feel like I was in the 7th grade on the outside looking in again?

or maybe it’s just how this whole week has gone. it’s been hell.

more on the “secret” entry after play group, which I am hosting. and of course Ricky JUST fell asleep for a nap!