Archive for the ‘What the fuck was I thinking?’ Category

It’s that time of the year again…

July 23, 2008

Being t-minus one month (or so) until my birthday, I figured I would let you be privy to a conversation held the other day while driving in the mystery mobile:

Me: (as I am driving) “AAAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!!!????

Josh: What is what?

Me: “that! THAT THING! THAT THING ON MY HEAD!” I scream pointing to my hair

Josh: (staring at me like I am suddenly possessed. Or on crack. Or both.) “I see nothing”

I quickly pointed to my bangs. There it was, like the devil’s spawn glinting and nestled in my hair, a single strand of grey hair.

GREY HAIR PEOPLE!!!! I HAVE FUCKING GRAY HAIR!!!!

Josh: “That’s not gray.”

Me: “yes it is!”

Josh: “it’s glistening in the light”

Me: “no, it’s gray and I will prove it.”

With a mighty pluck I pull the hair out of my head and lay it on my black pants. It shines. It glistens. It’s freakin’ gray hair.

Josh: “It’s not gray”

This is going nowhere so I decide to take the hair and save it in the change drawer of the car. Josh stares at me and then rolls his eyes.

Me: “what?”

Josh: “Are you going to save all your gray hairs now?”

Me: “HA! SEE I TOLD YOU IT WAS GRAY!”

Josh: “you are so strange and quirky sometimes.”

And so we head into the countdown to number 36.

Fin.

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Arguing about culture, people and SF.

July 22, 2008

My car broke down. Saying that is an understatement. Came to a grinding halt in the middle of a crappy part of SF in the noon hour is more like it. Had it towed over to ye old repair shop and started to walk to the bus stop with Rick and Stan a few blocks away.

Stan and I got into a disagreement. A BIG ONE. Stan is a guy. He is strong. He is smart. He can handle himself. I am a girl. I am strong, though not as strong, but small. I can handle myself most of the time. Rick was with us. He’s three for Christ’s sake. He can handle his stuffed rabbit.

We are walking through not such a great neighborhood and I am a little antsy. Stan says, and I quote, “there is nothing to worry about. There are three of us.”

Hm. Interesting. The way I look at it is there are 2.5 of us and it doesn’t really matter if you are a guy, I am a girl walking with her child.

In other words, I am an easy target. Doesn’t help that I am carrying my dell in my diaper bag. It doesn’t matter if there are three of us. There is my child and myself. Easy targets. I have been in this city all my life. I know when it’s not a great time to be in certain areas. And sometimes, it doesn’t matter if it’s noon on a Tuesday, there are just some areas that you don’t want to be.

Now, here is the kicker: I tried to explain to him that it doesn’t matter that it’s noon on Tuesday. I am a girl. I have a kid with me. There is an imminent amount of danger that he can’t even to begin to rationalize because of one simple fact: HE IS MALE.

Recently, there was a disagreement in the media about the N word. I hate this word. I have never used this word and never will. Even when reading Tom Sawyer in high school I would skip it. I just refuse. Anyway, the argument is that white people should never use that word while Africa Americans can use it. Hey, that’s fine and I can understand why this is. It makes sense in reclaiming the word and history. However, I can’t say that I will ever come close to understanding the hatred because there is nothing compairable for me to be called.

But Stan decided to argue the point with me that I shouldn’t feel afraid because I am in a bad area of town, I am a girl and I am walking with a baby. I used the N-word controversy as an example. And he didn’t get it. But then again, I don’t expect him to. Because he’s male. He will never have to worry about the things that, as a woman, come into my life everyday. I have experienced and seen some really fucked up shit in my life as a woman. Things that wouldn’t even begin to cross a man’s mind in the middle of the day will enter mine because, unfortunetly in this society, they have to. So no, I don’t expect him to GET IT but I expect him to respect that he won’t get it because of these reasons.

I mean, ladies, am I wrong to worry about my child and myself?

And since he’s reading this because, let’s face it, you met some really rad people this week, I would hop that maybe seeing it in writing may affect your judgement and open your eyes a bit. 🙂

THIS IS NOT HOME

June 14, 2008

I haven’t been able to do the whole monthly blog thing. i ended up having to go to a conference in OR. yea. so fun. so thrilling.

Here are some of the highlights:

it was a long day and I was exhausted and still a little sick. All I really wanted to do was curl up in bed with my stuffed animal, write in my diary and have sweet dreams of my little boy, who has strep throat and is stuck with my mother.

however, I still had plans to review, papers to read, and other annoying shit. it was almost midnight when I finally snuggled down next to Stan in bed in our hotel. we were tired and I was almost asleep when I heard it.

“ooooooooooo”

“ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!”

“yyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

My eyes flash open and I look at stan. he’s looking at me grinning. (“I guess someone is liking the porn”). we giggled and waited for the cheesy music to start. but there was the problem right there…. there was no music.

yes, we were listening to some amazing sex. or at least the word “stallion” came up (no pun intended) several times. Along with beast, horny bitch, and “fuck me! Fuck me! FUUUUUCCCKKKKK MMMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” Also, a lot of slapping noises and squealing.

This is really a weird thing to hear when you are laying in bed with your ex boyfriend.

Oh there is more high lights to come about this trip. Just you wait.

From psycho neighbor to annoying neighbor… I just can’t win.

May 3, 2008

I now have annoying and loud nieghbor…

It’s 3am.

SHUT OFF YOUR FUCKING MUSIC

I don’t need Rick bouncing around like he has been the past hour to your fucking tunes.

Laundry wars

February 3, 2008

I know that it has been raining non-stop for a few weeks in SF.  I know it’s super bowl Sunday.  I know people are excited for the super bowl and the fact that the sun seems to be peaking out every 10 minutes or so to remind us that it’s still around and not sucked into the vast darkness of the universe. I know all this.  But this still gives no one the right to be a total bitch at the laundry mat.

Case in point, today it’s crowded at the mat.  I struggled with my buggy and heaping mounds of laundry that need to be done while Ricky spends time with his dad.  If you think laundry is hard, try doing it with a precocious toddler on your hands!  I look over through all the washers and find two across from each other.  They are rather small but I can split the laundry between the two of them. I load the first one and put my liquid soap in.  I turn, walk a few steps to the second and load the rest of the laundry into it and add my soap.

While I am looking down and fumbling with my quarters, this lady walks in.  Lady is too nice of a term, however the word bitch is thrown around too often.  Let’s just say she was really, REALLY rude.  She makes an entrance and mumbles about not having enough room for her stuff.

I don’t really pay attention to her until I turn around and note that she has taken all of my DRY clothing with LIQUID SOAP on them out of my first washer and started loading hers.  Oh.hell.no.  I walk over and say to her, “Excuse me, I just put my clothing in there.” She rolls her eyes, huffs and pulls her clothes out.  She walks over to my other washer and loudly states, “So what, are you using this one too?”

Um. Yes. I am.  I have a lot of laundry.

She sighs and sits there with her hands on her hips and huffs a bit.  I note that the other washer, right next to mine, was empty.

“Excuse me, that one there is free,” I said sweetly, thinking maybe that when I came over to begin with I was a little rude.

“I THOUGHT you said you were USING this one too,” says rude lady.

“No, I am using the one next to it.  I mistook where you pointed.”

Rude Lady begins loading her laundry.  She has made such a scene that everyone is looking at her and thinking, “what a fucking bitch!”  Another woman was spacing out and watching her.  Rude Lady gets annoyed and snaps at her, “what the hell are you looking at?”

Other lady says nothing.

“I said, why are you staring at me?  What is your issue?  Stop fucking staring at me?”

Other lady says, “I am not looking at you I am waiting for my laundry.  Stop being such a fucking bitch.”

At this point I leave.  I don’t need to see a cat fight.

Suggestions?

February 2, 2008

My brother Linus… he’s getting married.

the problem with this is kind of simple. he lives in eastern europe. for Ricky and I to fly there next summer will be pricey. in fact, it’s something I can’t afford.  believe it or not… my OH-SO-GLAMMEROUS Job doesn’t pay as well as you would expect.

Today he calls to tell me darla (his fiancee) wants to get married in her hometown… SYDNEY. Holy cow. I thought it was expensive to fly to the czech republic? it’s FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS to get ME AND RICKY to sydney. I can’t do that. I am barely surviving here as it is. and of course, Linus is say, “If you really loved me you would come.” Ok, he’s not REALLY saying that but you know he’s thinking it!

SO now I am selling DVDs, CDs, Furnitaure, Clothing, and quite possibly my soul… all to get to a freaking wedding!!!

anyone have any other suggestions? because I have another wedding in vancouver in September (which I am in) and now this! and I need the car tuned up (badly!) and I wanted to go to blogher. I think blogher might have to be given up.

I am totally bummed.

oh yes… and voting closes in a few hours on the contest

Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” quite like arterial blood.

December 25, 2007

Ricky is with his father today. I won’t even begin to tell you how unfair I find that and how fucked up it is. Instead, after opening prensents this morning and then taking him over to the mission to where I was to meet his father and his cunt mistress, I decied I was going to go to the movies. actually, our family has gone to the movies every year on Xmas day because it’s the only time we were all together to do something. Carrying on tradition, I decided I would go by myself and see Sweeny Todd. Let’s face it, eye candy and blood. exactly what I needed today.

So how was the movie? gorey as all fuck. very vivid. very gruesome. very gross. for me to be saying that it was gross to the point where I was cringing in my seat… well, it was THAT bad. but the movie was also THAT good. Imagine this: you are trying to make a movie about a barbar who kills people. it’s all in song with very little talking. there is barely any color. (My therory was that was as to make the blood stand out more) . this is a muscial only in the way that tim Burton could do it. and it was damn good too.

Johnny Depp… sigh. he gets me all hot and bothered in my old age. (yeah, I laughed at the old age remark too). But who knew that he could sing. and he can. this is it, he is going to get his oscar that he so definetly deserves. Sure, pass him over for Pirates, ignore him for (what I consider the best role of his career) in Finding Neverland… but this is it. his time. and my god can he sing. the only draw back is that his speaking voice and accent was Jack Sparrow but without the keith richardness of it.

helen Bonham Carter…. eh, same shit, different day.

what I found funny is that Snape, Peter Pettiegew and Bellatrix Lastrange were all in this movie. lol.

I love musicals. I do. I think there is no day but today and somewhere a place for us. I that there are a tale as old as time that completes the circle of life. I get mesmerised by the high flying, adored and hope one day to dream of defying gravity. I have a dream, that helps me cope with everything. but I will not be seeing sweeny todd again. too gorey. and if I am saying that, then that’s saying someting!

I find it ironic that the by line or what ever you want to call it for the film is “never forget. never forgive.” I feel that way with sean. I don’t want to be this bitter anymore. I just can’t do it.

Oh yes, and I am so going to have major nightmares all night.  Good thing I am working graveyard.

In which FCM drops the S bomb

December 24, 2007

“ricky michael zander… if you don’t go to sleep right now Santa isn’t going to come to our house!”

Bah Humbug

December 23, 2007

Not really feeling the xmas mood. never mind that KOIT radio has been playing fucking Xmas carols non-stop since Thanksgiving day. Just not in the mood.

so here are some of my favorite Xmas ditties for you: Xmas at ground zero

It’s Christmas at ground zero
There’s music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringing and the carolers are singing
While the air raid sirens blareIt’s Christmas at ground zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping
It’s the end of all humanity
No more time for last-minute shopping
It’s time to face your final destiny

It’s Christmas at ground zero
There’s panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath the mushroom cloud

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone’s climbing down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill

It’s Christmas at ground zero
And if the radiation level’s okay
I’ll go out with you and see all the new
Mutations on New Year’s Day

It’s Christmas at ground zero
Just seconds left to go
I’ll duck and cover with my Yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe

It’s Christmas at ground zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke, we’re gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday

What a crazy fluke, we’re gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday!”

or how about this one?

Silent Night

Silent night,

Broken night.

All is fallen,

When you take your flight

I found some hate for you,

just for show.

You found some love for me,

thinking I’d go.

Don’t keep me from crying to sleep

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night,

Moonlit night.

Nothing’s changed.

Nothing is right.

I should be stronger then,

weeping alone.

You should be weaker then,

sending me home.

I can’t stop you fighting to sleep.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Or my personal favorite (to the tune of it’s beginning to look a lot like xmas)

I’m beginning to feel a little bankrupt

With every gift I buy

Oh, the credit card companies

Love it so when they see

Me spend more than I’ll earn before I die

I’m beginning to feel a little bankrupt

Bills come every day

But the ugliest sight I see

Is the mortgage rate increase

Four percent to eight

How much I would like to say

Things will all be OK

And soon I’ll be swimming in dough

But payments are due

And soon creditors sue

It’s a cycle don’t you know

And I don’t thing that I can wait

for my bank account to grow

And I don’t thing that I can wait

for my bank account to grow

I’m beginning to feel a little bankrupt

There’s no one left to blame

I should never have bought that Wii

Or that new MP3

Why do I so like to play this game?

I’m beginning to feel a little bankrupt

Soon I’ll start to yelp

But the thing that’ll stop my frown

Is if interest rates go down

Ben Bernanke help!

Ben Bernanke help!”

 

(my cousin wrote that one as his yearly parody)

 

BAH HUMBUG

I apologize…

December 11, 2007

I got a few comments and TONS of emails about my “wonderful time of the year post”.

I apologize for the play by play.  I was trying to make a point about the little match girl.  and the freezing weather. and the homeless in SF.

and I was just trying to be a smart ass and show off why I am a MENSA member.  so now you know that if you are cold, losing feeling in your fingers and shivering… for fuck’s sake, put a jacket on!